He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
