Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Pants are for mortals
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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