he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
