In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
