I can feel you judging me through the phone.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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