bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
