I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
