Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
