At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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