dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I want her autograph on my taint
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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