Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
