ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
