Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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