It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
