dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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