zippers are such a cool invention
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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