4 words: hood of his car
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
