I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
