Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
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