I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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