remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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