not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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