I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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