I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
