I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
