he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
