He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Even my vagina gasped.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
