Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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