U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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