There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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