Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Someone signed my nipple.
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