I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
