Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
