Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I enjoy the company of your penis
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
