I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
