and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
