and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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