I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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