They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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