you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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