Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My vagina just clenched in fear
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
