I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
