I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
