I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
