The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
