please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
