I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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