If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
