i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
