is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
