sarcasm needs its own font
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
