Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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