That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
